Remembrance

You know how it is when you want to write a love letter that you can never send?
Because the timing isn't right, or the circumstances aren't right or you just aren't sure the other person feels even remotely the same? When you are so full of the things that you want to say but have to hold back because fear of saying or doing the wrong thing nearly paralyzes you?

You know that feeling? The one where you just want to wrap yourself up in that special someone's arms, their dreams, their life? You want to share their thoughts, goals, hopes, touch, kiss and breath? But you just don't know what tomorrow might hold?

You know that desire? The kind that snakes through your belly and holds you, tense and quivering, for that person's touch? And they are a thousand miles away... the kind of desire that sends the thought and the smell and the feel of them ripping through your mind -- leaving you breathless -- gripping the steering wheel on your car, staring blankly at a green light and unable to move?

Do you know that gut-wrenching ache that makes you want to shelter in their arms until time stands still?

Do you know that fear? The one that wakes you, trembling, afraid that person will leave you behind -- go on with their life -- never knowing their impact on your life? The fear of nothing to hold onto in the cold, dark hours of the night? The fear that you feel yourself fading away as if you've never been?

You know those dreams? The ones of waking up to the the warmth, the scent and the feel of lying in that person's arms next to you? The aching-for-it-to-be-real kind of dreams? When a fragment of your mind breaks away to nestle quietly in the heart of that person?

Do you know that waiting feeling? Waiting for time, for touch, for warmth, for love? Waiting for the dawn to come once again and you finally know that you've made it through another night without the confort of that person's arms holding on tight and not letting go?

Do you know the fear of spilling your soul into someone else's hands?
That they can hold on or just let go -- leaving you adrift in a sea of yearning? Do you know the fear of giving someone your heart, knowing they don't even know it's theirs to hold onto?

Do you know the fear of someone being careless with your love and your heart --
The only things that you have to give?
And not knowing whether your love is a gift -- or a burden they just don't want?

I know these things well.

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